my faults are really unappreciated virtues

Decided to gather together pieces of texts I haven't published this year because people always tell me they love my writing and I'm like uh, weird, okay. So I hope you enjoy! Photos from Hobogestapo!

May 28th

Perfect day to spend inside, knowing I'll love the wind when I go out...
Sun coming out occasionally through the clouds, the trees shaking while standing still..
That's exactly how I feel right now, the same thing I'm observing.
I'm drinking my favorite tea in an old souvenir tea cup my half-brother brought to me from Paris when I was ten.
I guess he's my ex-half-brother now but I still remember him fondly because he also gave me a Spice Girls dress as a Christmans present.
Listening to the new Foals album.
Top of the world, bottom at the ocean...


May 16th

For a split second yes, in a longer run....no.
You just have got to keep on going because you'll never know where you end up.




May 6th

2 minutes ago I realised what I really want from life.
And it's not going to be easy...
but then again I always look up to people who do something from themselves.
So why shouldn't I work a little bit for my goals?


April 16th


All nighter..
Everything almost finished now...
Eternal youth coming soon...
Renaissance architecture pictures to represent my "artistic vision", WTF.
Hope it goes through...
Gods in the making...
Relics....
Caribou's Found Out is a pretty chill song...
I applied for Art Academy & Art History & Contemporary History & Fashion Design.
Extremely competitive...
That's why I kinda like this picture above.
It's me but it's not me...
I look like a serious student from one of these branches...
Fake it til you make it..

I've been thinking what my reality consists of...because lately I'm always like, oh, you don't know who Kirsten Owen is? Or Gandhi? Never heard this Azari & III song? You didn't know all these forests around us are mostly planted? Who are you?
Ouch why do I always have to be so rude.
I'm not the only one though..
Things I cannot love I overlook, the best advice in a while.




February 26th

Right now,

nothing.


There's beauty in the things we leave behind.
They are so endless.


If I'd only knew where they go...

Hey, do you ever feel like we are each other?
Do you ever feel like baking star-shaped cakes at night?
If I knew nothing then how can I think too much now?
How do the words fall in place?
Ever feel like the streets could swallow you?
Do you ever want to slow down and feel?

Sometimes when I take my steps,
they take place so easily.
Unlike the words.
Then there are times, when I can't simply move.
And I feel like there's no one to push me.

But it's alright cause it's nothing anyway.

If so,
would you enjoy the picture?



February 28th

I don't feel like going out because somehow I...walked into to a wall and I have a bruise in my nose to match the bruises on my hand...yet it's kinda symbolic...in a way...been resting my head against the wall for too long.

That was deep...




February 28th, II


Because I will always underline things that don't matter, like everyone I know or either despise, love or look up to. My heel will come off from my favorite pair of shoes at 9am on Saturday morning when I'm stumbling to get home. I will always test people, I will regret every moment when I couldn't be there, even more so the moments when I was there, I will love and hate and pause and stop but mostly act like as if I had a constant headache, drowsy walking through life kind of stuff.

We never wanted this or that or just to be normal because no one wants to be the stressed-out fat couple with two kids and a stroller badmouthing the bus driver for no reason. We don't really want those moments from real life.

I just find it best to wear clothing that won't give me the feeling that I live in a different time or in a different place but like I could be anywhere, like I could bend time and space right there in that moment without even snapping my fingers, just by being myself. I need those moments.

Because I don't want you there and me here. I'm just not that kind of person. Every bed is the same. Every quiet street, every desk in classrooms...the people behind them, not so much. The personalities they will grow into, even less. You just have to hope they turn in to decent human beings and love and respect their husbands and wives and bus drivers.

Just for the record, there have been moments I would not change for a thing (well, I could be flexible if we were talking about, say, Givenchy Haute Couture but you know what I mean) and there have been moments I'd happily toss out quicklier than a pile of pilled t-shirts...but that's just real life. The best kind of moments they are definitely not, not even close. What they have in common with real life is close to none or that's how we explain it because a lot of times we just can't remember how they actually went...or if we can, were we worth them?

I don't want to get away every time and I'm not talking about distances here. This moment is fine for now, if the shoes are right. Even if the heel has fallen off. I'm scared of growing into a different person. I know I have a problem but I love it. I fucking love it.

Ps Oh fuck I think I just tested someone and it went awry... I guess you know how it's like to be hurt so I don't have to explain how it feels but just in case it feels like this:

NEEDLE IN THE HAY

So...I think I'm just going to DIY this 80s Moschino dress for my graduation next week. I'm kinda more excited about going to SATC2 premiere though. In an ideal world I'd be attending both in these Jaiden rva James wedges but you can never win...



This week was pretty good, attended a couple of shows (and I'm going to write about TAIK-show when I'm not for once hangover) and went to awesome movie night where we watched Evil Dead and laughed and I got a letter saying I'm in for the second part of entrance exam for fashion design...so next week I'm only going to draw and draw and draw!

I HATE IT WHEN THEY TALK ABOUT ME....BUT I LOVE IT WHEN THEY TALK ABOUT ME

So bored of sequin bodys with Balmain shoulders and those Alexander McQueen (RIP) monster shoes in mainstream pop/rnb videos that last 10 minutes... all that stuff is easy. I'm more intrested in Ciara's new video Ride. She's the goddamn inspiration behind latest Givenchy Couture and everything, after this I don't wonder why at all! It's seemingly basic but then again with awesome attitude and details in the outfits and I value simplicity anyway. Plus the dance scenes with the cap remind me of Aaliyah which is not a bad thing at all!

She also has this other song You Got Me which I've had on repeat after LCD Soundsystem overdose. I like the lyrics....see I was on the red carpet when I shoulda been in the studio..

// AND OF COURSE SHE IS IN THE NEW FRENCH VOGUE WEARING GIVENCHY!!

NO ONE IS DANGEROUS, UNTIL THEY GET A PIECE OF YOU

Two estonians. Two white mesh tops. Though I'm wearing one borrowed from a friend, not 400 dollar one from Emilio Pucci, LOL! Ps. LCD Soundsystem's new album is great for workouts -->

And Self Service is still my favorite magazine.
I'm nervous about Friday (I want to get to a second part of the entrance exam to the school I really want to get in and the results come on Friday), can you teach me how to breathe real fast?
Stacked up on painkillers, tissues and self-help books...but not really.

IF YOU'RE AFRAID OF WHAT YOU NEED, LOOK AROUND YOU

I think I just made the best decision in my life so far.

I went to an entrance exam for art history and walked out leaving an empty paper.
It's not that I don't believe in myself....it's that I do.
And I had to do it.
Sitting there for two hours in midst of all this going and not thinking lately forced me to ask myself serious questions.
Fuck, I'm not even giving my all to the things I ACTUALLY WANT, so what the hell am I doing here and not working on what I NEED, instead of wishing of eventuallys.
I wouldn't be who I am.

It was really relieving....
To finally not to be afraid of what I want and not hiding from it.
Not necessarily knowing how will I get there... but being closer to it, whatever it is.
To realize I'm 19, why the fuck would I want to repress my feelings and wants at this point of my life.

That being said, good luck to everyone...I believe in you too.

I DON'T CARE WHAT HAPPENS

So basically I've been waiting for Matias Aguayo's gig here in Finland for the whole spring and when the night came I was just listening to Akon's Sexy Bitch and wearing Ed Hardy shirt...ironically. Oh, why whyyyyyyy....sometimes I question who I am and what I want but that's ok I'm 19. I used to be the person who would make snide comments if you didn't knew what viscose is or who Kirsten Owen is or don't get me started if you don't know Nicola Formichetti's CV...but then I realised that makes me as shitty person as people who don't get wearing Ed Hardy ironically but are like, HOW CAN YOU COME HERE???? Lulz, some people have war in their countries and your biggest problem is me and my friends having ironic hipster fun...it's like, I know it's hard to get over yourself because I never manage that myself either but since you're such a better person I guess it wouldn't that hard for you! OMG WHAT AM I EVEN WRITING HERE I DON'T CARE??? Next. Main point though: take a look at these Vogue Paris pictures and try some humour, your favorite editor in chief does too!

Ps. me trying to be as hot as Daria:

BURY ME SMILING

Monki + Weekday opening, more at Helen Korpak's!

It's like, I'm trying to write words but they are not coming out...so I'm passing this to my man 2pac. Life goes on.

I'M TIRED OF KEEPING DISCIPLINED

Two women and a bear by Noam Griegst from ADV on Vimeo.

I'm bored of quality, I'm tired of keeping disciplined, I'm sweltering, the heat is too much for me....

MY FIRST PRIORITY IS TO REACH TWENTY-ONE BREATHING

Our friend Sanna had her amazing 20th birthday party yesterday at this beautiful spot. Happy birthday again Sanna! I was wearing a silvery skirt and a silk knit I randomly DIY-ed by 'shredding' and cutting slits. I felt like a Helmut Lang fan the whole day...too bad my minimalistic sandals broke because they were all leather and Made in Italy and everything. But most of all, they were none of that clog/gladiator/stud crap out there. Everything popular = wrong, big up to my man Oscar Wilde for that one & insert ironic lol here.

Fuck I love my friends, Mobb Deep and those little bottles that look like they're potions from Harry Potter but actually are alcohol and ooh look I've got matching (CHANEL, I TRULY GOT BETTER!) red nails....and you!

+20 celsius + busy week next week for life.



(Thanks Eini for photos!)

MOST PEOPLE ARE OTHER PEOPLE

Was going to write a depressed "reading finnish political history of 20s and 30s today and it's summer out there" post, but then remembered that like, you know... Miuccia Prada has a PhD on Political Science and she's kinda someone I look up to so WHATEVER!

And I literally burst into tears yesterday when I was reading Paul Arden's (RIP) WHATEVER YOU THINK THINK THE OPPOSITE:

"Everything we do we choose. So what is there to regret? You are the person you chose to be."

(Photo: me by Sanna Lehto)

THERE'S SOMETHING HOT IN HERE......

1. Finsk Fall 2010 from Lina Di Moda
2. S Magazine Blog....is awesome
3. Old lolpic I've taken of myself. These day's I've come to hate pretentious self-portraits...not. Especially after eating blueberries....or 5 glasses of beverage of choice.



Secretly OD'ed of this song. Fuck blogbangers, round glasses and what have you....miu miu satin heels, fuck that. Now...where is my stash 032c's & A-Z of typeface designers.

Things I am grateful for:

That I'm born in November. I don't feel like being 20 yet....not feeling the ZERO after two.
That I have A Magazine curated by Riccardo Tisci.
That my friends are so lovely and talented.
That I've always come across such lovely finds at second hands...once someone thought I was rich! Yeah I am but not in currency!
EVERY DAY.

+ COME TO 6. LINJA TOMORROW!

BUT I DON'T THINK IT'S WRONG... GETTING A LITTLE REVENGE IN A SONG

This is going down this Wednesday 12.5 if you're living in Finland:


DINOSAURUXIA & ZEBRA&SNAKE at 6. LINJA.
MISFITS DJS.
VJ SAKKE SOINI.
TICKETS 8 E.
ME WEARING THAT T-SHIRT (if estonian dentist's don't kill me the same day, could happen.)
+ WE HAVE VINYLS....& can put you on a waiting list of that shirt lulz.

I suggest everyone wears some animal print....too many animals on the stage.

Lets make it happen.


(FB EVENT)

IF I'M EVIL ARE YOU SATISFIED

---> TRAUM NOIR

THEY SAY I'M UP TO NO GOOD

They say I'm down for whatever goes..
Really feeling this song by Yves Rockers Crew ...and wearing skirts in my head. LULZ. And long black coats! I have two and they make me feel partially Blade Runner and Matrix and shit even when it's not made from leather/ partially shoplifter. So. It's all GOOD.

(Me by Sanna Lehto)

PS......FUCK YEAH GIVENCHY FALL 2010 CAMPAINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG



Can't believe I almost sold my bright red linen blazer with sharp shoulders...or did I? Fuck.

Oh and I want to lookg like Malgosia Bela....wait....I do look like her.
I even have the same height.
All good then, no other wishes...

AFTER YOUR ENDS

Halston mohawk hat from the 60s...
I have a thing for Halston...
I have this amazing Halston book and fuck, every time I read it I wish I would be Bianca Jagger and it was the 70s again and I'd be chilling with Halston.
This is how it's done:


Now excuse me while I get back to
Political History of Finland 1809-2009...

Kinda not intrested, but kinda realised this is one of my 3 chances to get a school place for next semester and oh boy, do I REALLY need that.
So...it's just 200 years.


Well, if that doesn't work out...then at least I have the perfect wool/cashmere blend beige jacket, basic brown Mulberry belt and shearling jacket ready.

Uhm...wait a minute, why do I even think these would save me from anything?
Well, I guess it's great that from all things the one thing I trust is fashion.

It's kinda easy.



And she was after my ends..

A LESSON IN HOW FLEETING PRESERVATION IS

Photos Sanna Lehto

Wow! Can't believe it's me in these wonderful pictures. "Big up!"
And! It's like I'm a debutante all of a sudden: museum guide debut on Wednesday and dj-debut on Friday! Yeah I think I'm going to play something in the lines of ecstatic ravey-ness, occults, brooklyn bass and Mariah Carey...thanks for the inspiration Kingdom! (+ Kingdom's remixes too!) Oh and I'm also graduating soon, if were talking about all that things you should do before you're 20...

"Until I lost body parts, it was fun.."

NOW THROW YOUR HANDS UP IN THE SKY

WTF is up with Photobucket, not happy about this...
Yesterday, in the night, I ran into someone who reads my blog. That was kinda cool, especially now when this all sucks right now.
Some Turkish tea now & Jean Rhys' Voyage In The Dark.
Pretty good.
Political history & art history reading tomorrow.
(Read: 90% listening to Gang Starr, Dead Prez and Mos Def, 10% watching architecture shows)
And I've been thinking about entering some competitions & send out CVs.
Never hurts.
This world is all about the surface, Kelso was right.
I'm just here to get through.
Don't know who's up there so I'm telling this to you...




& only thought about Alaia shoes and etoupe coloured Hermes bags.