Oh India. I had too much coffee for myself and I wasn't getting any sleep and when it finally arrived, I think the morning news was turned on in the living room. It said, India, hundered dead. I fell asleep soon after. When I woke up, I hoped it was just a bad, distant dream, what I had heard. But it wasn't. Oh India, you proved me right, and that's not what I really wanted.
It's the recession...everyone's saying. The answer to all life's complexities, atleast this year. I don't want to see that. I don't want our lives to become like in that movie I watched collectively in silence, Pandora's Box. I definitely do not want to feel like shit and look like great or however that one, that respectable quote by a fashionable novelist, went.
It's not the recession. No, it's the medication, the pill industry and its chairmen, it's the money, yes, but not in the bank, it's ourselves and the teachings we have or have not learned. I wish we could see that.
It's you not answering my messages, it's me putting down Naked Lunch, it's his heartlessness and/or brainlessness, it's her tears, it's they constantly saying, listen, that's the very reason everyone hates you.
It's not the recession.
It's that dent those words said or unsaid leaves to us. That wall you cannot get through, you're a mortal and 9 3/4 is just not for you. That's the very reason. It's us.
If we want the life behind that wall, we better sharpen up and do it slowly. Not fast, not in hurry like we always want to, then it'll just be the same, just reversely bad. Now that's not what we want. Instead, we have to accept the distance. Share a drink. Share a shower. Save yourself. Save the world. It's not the recession.
And the wall, well, isn't it just something we've collectively built by ourselves? The image, the reflection of us to us? You know how the story goes...one day you wake up and want out of your norms, your life, what you have made of it. But that wall, it's just too thick and we don't even remember how we built it, we were too drunk. It's us. The wall is our very mistakes that have somehow become our whole lives.
And it's OK. It's us wanting to get hurt everytime we meet someone, so we could see who we are behind the wall. It's us wanting to leave that dent, so we could see who they are. How they feel, how we feel, because it's us and it's OK and we're only human. It's us, throwing ourselves against the wall over and over again.
What you got to do around here to get some reaction? It's not the economy, not the stock markets, not who's the current president of the United States. No, and I've come to realise why.
We love each other too much and we except everyone to be thick-skinned,
because they are only words... And next time I walk past a florist, I'm going to take a brick of my wall and throw it through the shop window because I love you all too much and I see you throwing words around too easily and I'm a master at that too, but atleast, no, I'm not going to put myself above you but the next time you're having coffee remember that I just love you.
And I hope it's OK.
Because it's not the recession.
And there is no way out.
It's us. Doing what we do best. Hurting each other.
Unfortunately.
I'm going to take a shirt and cut out a heart-shaped piece. In secret and silent, I'm going to sew it inside your sleeve, so you'd literally wear your heart on your sleeves and I could see what you're thinking. So you can show what you're feeling. So I don't have to hurt you. No, yes, why, I don't really, really want to hurt you, no matter what you're thinking. It's not my intention, I just picked up a habit. I'm only human. I wish I could be Harry Potter, I really really do. Believe me.
But I'm not going to be Harry today or even next week. Meanwhile, we could start tearing up each other's walls peacefully and build ourselves a home. Since it's us, we'd better get to know each other. We could do it together, it takes a long time to all these tears weaken a wall, if ever. We've gotten so fucking clever and built it out of everything-proof materials, because it's the 21st century. Because it's us throwing around those words too easily, like we're kids with a ball in a circle to entertain us.
It's not the recession. It's not J.P Morgans chairmen at the time. They meant well. We mean well. We do love each other but with all these walls between us, the message is not recieved. It's going to be alright one day, if ever. We love each other too much and we are scared that we won't recieve anything in return, so we build these safety systems instead of safety nets. Since it's the fucking 21st century after all and we've gotten so fucking clever.
Everytime I see you, well,
you have no idea. The amount of words I leave unsaid even though I know I should just spit them out. But it's just that when I try to say them...you make me feel like a bad actor with given lines. I guess that's why I like films so much.
These streets are getting dangerous, every time I see a window it's just another brick of my wall. I want to give everything of myself since people around me are giving hardly anything of themselves. All of my clothes are cut to pieces by now. And when we go to bars to build our walls higher and thicker, you wonder where I was for the whole night.
I hid at the coat check, sewing all those hearts into everyone's sleeves.
I might be no Harry Potter, but I've got a mission.
Because I love you all too much to not care. You're my medication.
And all these walls I keep talking about, they at times make it very hard to get to you. To every single one of you. And...if we can't tear them down, I hope we could atleast share them. Because we all need to collectively accept that even if we are right,
we still have no fucking idea.
And a new dawn fades.
